Thursday, 20 December 2012

Monday, 23 April 2012

Greetings & Farewells

Awkward wave?
1 kiss on the cheek?
2 kisses?

Everyone's greeting is different nowadays, so how do you know which one to whip out in those few crucial seconds?
The amount of times i've left someone hanging, misjudged the amount of kisses or hugged someone with one hand in theirs in an awkward handshake-hug combo...

If i had to write a greetings rule book it would be:

Same sexes should settle for a good old fashioned handshake.
If meeting for a second time and onwards, a hug.

Opposite sexes should offer an extend of the hand followed by 1 kiss on the cheek if wanted.
Upon a second meeting, a hug can be given instead.

Awkward waves are used if the distance between you is too great or obstructions are in the way.

Please note: There should not be in excess of 1 kiss EVER, it just gets complicated. 

As for the farewell, handshake greetings are upgradable to a hug farewell.


Please note: This rule book is not applicable in many circumstances such as dates, interviews, the elderly... or pretty much any other circumstance than meeting friends. In such cases, good luck. 

Wednesday, 29 February 2012

The security of sound

Sound = Security

Please show the working:

Ever had that moment when you're describing a song and get asked "what's it go like?"...

What happens next?
A sheer wash of panic.

Please give another example:

You're singing along to a song, really 'in the zone.'

The music cuts out.

In this split second of singing a capella without the safety of noise, you have a choice to make:

Do i carry on strong and finish the line in 'faked confidence?'
Freak out and stop ASAP.

Not many choose the first option, if you do good luck and all the best.
If you decide to opt normally, your voice will begin what i'm going to call: The Frailly Fade Out
It's a rare noise to leave your body.
Your voice suddenly sounds like it's aged 50 years as it disappears, leaving you with nothing left to do but face the red curtains of embarrassment.

Sound = Security

Full marks.

Friday, 3 February 2012

A Tuna Revelation

This is worthy of a news announcement:

Why the hell don't we have this?
Tuna is a staple in everyone's cupboard (excluding vegetarians, unless they're the "i eat fish" one's'.
It's a staple because it's quick.
This is even quicker! The extra ingredients are already there.

Absolute genius.
This is the most ground breaking discovery since the wheel.

John, we need this in Britain asap.

Friday, 6 January 2012

The 'usual'


Man/woman walks in to their local cafe.
'Ah Bob/Bobetta, the usual?'

End of scenario.

'The usual' is that a good thing or bad?

I'm undecided.
I've worked in a sandwich shop and in a pub - both of which places i'd think the following things simultaneously when a regular walked in...
'Hey, glad to see you again, here's your favourite'
'If i'm bored of you ordering the same, surely you must be...?'

On the one hand, you don't have to think, there's minimum risk - you already know you like it so why change a good thing.

On the other hand, you're predictable which is closely followed by boring.

Tuesday, 3 January 2012

A summary of 2011

The Wins

And, the Fails

A truly groundbreaking year, i'm sure you'll agree...