Friday, 29 October 2010

Constipational Diving

Just came across these whilst searching for some images at work.

I think they are worthy of being on my blog:

No offense to the divers, but they do look constipated. Not the most glamorous action shots.

Wednesday, 27 October 2010


It may seem like i have a bit of a chip on my shoulder (which i do) but i hate the Apple brand. I think it's overrated and a cult. If you by one apple product everything you own has to follow. If it doesn't have an 'i' infront of it, it wont work.
My hatred began at University. I have a Sony laptop, which at the time of purchase was the same as a Mac. For some reason my laptop was slated by some Mac owners as if Windows was primitive...

I understand that some Apple products are probably offereing some of the best features within the market, however i wouldn't say it was leaps and bounds ahead of any other make. It's just another brand except it has a fruit symbol. Some Apple products are holding back technologcal advances, for example Apple released the iPod as a product without a simple feature like a camera and then a couple months down the line re-release it with the 'new innovative feature'. Their iPhone 3G doesn't even have a flash.
Since when did PC's become dated? They still have the same features and offerings. If anything they offer more, more choice, more programmes, more prices, more makes, more styles, more colours... and not to mention a right click.

I've found that some people get a Mac and are suddenly hypnotised by a little piece of fruit. Half eaten...! They walk around with their Macs like they're the coolest thing since sunglasses. Well fruit isn't cool. If i was to stick an apple on this would people buy it? Probably.

New iPoo, available from only £149.99

If you don't get what i'm saying then just watch this instead. I expect there's already some kind of waiting list.

Regrettably, this post was written on an Apple computer.
If you have an Apple good for you BUT i'm a PC person.

Friday, 22 October 2010

Red Sweets

It's a well known fact that red sweets are more than likely going to be the best tasting. Skittles, Starburst, Haribo(not including eggs), Refreshers etc.

This leads me to ask, why is the ratio of red sweets to other colours always less!? Everytime i have Skittles, because i eat them in specific colour order (save the best for last), there's always half the amount of reds to yellow. The same happens with a packet of Starburst or Fruit Pastels.
People don't buy sweets for the yellow ones! If i was a sweet manufacturing company i would exploit this fact and sell packets full of only red sweets. I'd be a millionaire!

Wednesday, 20 October 2010

The most irritating game in the world

If you really want to annoy someone do this:

Tell them to breath.
If you get them to focus on their breathing 'in and out', 'in and out' they'll have to do it manually and it's a hard thing to forget about. Once you've got them hooked they'll be stuck concentrating on their breathing, HAHA!
Try a line like 'Don't forget to breath!'

Unfortunately this post has backfired on me, whilst i've been writing this post i've been struggling to subconsciously breath, but hopefully so are you from reading this.


Who said 'all graffiti is rubbish'....

Tuesday, 19 October 2010

Coughing in public

When people cough in small spaces everything becomes amplified. Because there's nothing else to focus on, you end up focussing on the cough and start imagining little germs spreading from their mouth.
Some people (including me) focus so much on the germ situation, they decide that the logical thing to do is to hold your breath for a certain amount of time so the germs will vanish, therefore you won't breath them in. This is all very well, until you start to go red in the face and begin to get strange looks. Or, there's one cough, you start to hold your breath and then there is another. Now, you're pretty screwed. Do you risk cathching a possible cold or risk self-suffocation?
Imagine ending up in hospital explaining to a Doctor that you're there because you decided to hold you're breath for too long after someone coughed and suffocated yourself.

Another option for preventing the germ intake is blowing out with your 'nose air' or through the side of your mouth. This might be a safer option but can't always be successful. To get the 'nose air' you need to breath in a decent amount. If you manage to do this the theory is it will push the germs away from your breathing space, thus creating fresher air to breath in.

I think i have issues.

Friday, 15 October 2010

Unfair lesbian assumptions.

Because I'm too busy enjoying my Hot Chocolate delight, I shall pass you over to my new copywriting buddy Britton (Brittony Collins)

So... as it's Friday Vicky and I decided to waltz on down to the coffee shop and get ourselves a hot chocolate. But I think the woman at the counter mistook Vicky for a lesbian and gave her a free LARGE hot chocolate with a caramel syrup shot. I personally think that this is appauling as my hot chocolate was half the size and I payed for it! And my double chocolate muffin (that I searched in three different coffee shops for) tasted like orange.

I am disappointed and quite frankly disturbed by this woman.
Vicky however, is now considering lesbianism.

Thursday, 14 October 2010


There's white, there's red and there's rose. Sometimes pronounced like the flower by inexperienced rose drinkers.

White - the easy choice but can get a bit much. It starts off nice but for some reason always gets worse as you progress further down the bottle.

Red - difficult to find a good red, a lot of knowledge and experience needed, looks more sophisticated but results in black lips.

Rose - my personal favourite, a great middle ground. Not only does the title make you feel classy - in a look at me im speaking french way - it's also the safest taste-wise.

Rose seems to be slowly dominating the wine front as more and more University females discover it. I've heard the discrimintion against Rose, 'C'mon! Choose a team!' but there will always be a place for Rose in my heart/stomach.

Sunday, 10 October 2010

Teen books

When i was 11 i started reading Louise Rennison's book series aimed at young teenage girls. 11 years ago i wasn't planning ahead, i didn't realise by choosing this one book i'd still be buying them when i was 22. The final book in the series was published last year and i have just got round to buying it.It's quite embarassing walking into a book shop at 22 and finding yourself hunting for books in the teen fiction section.
I had to come up with a cunning plan this time, i said 'my niece loves these books'. I have no niece, but im pretty sure the man at the till believed me. Usually i end up buying 2 adult books to sandwich the teen book and hope it will confuse the checkout operator.

Anyway, i look forward to moving on with my life as soon as this book has been finished.

Wednesday, 6 October 2010


When i moved North to Mansfield one of the hardest things to adapt to was the 'cob'. This is a Midland's term for the bread roll. It has absolutely no ressemblance to the word roll what so ever.
If i asked for a roll, i'd just get a blank stare as if i were speaking Spanish. Even sandwiches are called 'cobs' - to me that's just laziness. I tried to defend the bread roll by explaining that on packets of rolls it is titled '4 white bread rolls'. In return i once had the reply that rolls were a dessert 'one of those long things with icing on'.

This is a quote from Wikipedia that all 'cob' people should read:

'Cob, a word often incorrectly associated with bread rolls by Midlands students studying English...' Why studying English i don't know but either way it proves bread roll is correct!

As for breadcake..... that's easy - cake, bread? Which is it? Bread.

Sunday, 3 October 2010

Before the internet

It's hard to imagine what life would be like without internet, especially now that we are completely reliant on it. In school, the closest we got to typing in random key words and recieving information was Encarta.

Microsofts Digital Multimedia Encyclopedia. Enacarta even exists now!

If the Internet was to suddenly disappear i wonder what the back-up plan would be. Would we go back to Encarta, start using Libraries? I think that i'd struggle most with no e-mailing or google images. Not only does the Internet save me money - less stamps, but it also saves me huge amounts of time! I don't need to walk to letterboxes every day or flick through thousands of books looking for images.

This is a toast to the intenet!

(i've never had to spell toast before but i can assure you that this is the correct spelling)