Shit happens

This post has been inspired by an earlier incident this morning.

What is the likelihood of getting shat on?
The world's surface area is 510072000 km2 (copy and pasted from wikipedia of corse). Now think of how much space your head occupies within that...
It makes the chance of getting hit seems pretty slim.
Please note: Meat heads will be at slightly bigger disadvantage.

Well, it would appear not so slim in my case. I've been hit by bird shit twice now. And to make things even less probable, both times have been within 6 months, in the same 5m radius. So you might think, 'oh, well it's probably the same bird, that sits in the same spot' - but then why do i have to time it just right to walk underneath. It probably only relieves itself a few times a day, which makes it even more unlikely.

And just to take the piss even more, IT HAPPENED UNDERGROUND!

Teen books

When i was 11 i started reading Louise Rennison's book series aimed at young teenage girls. 11 years ago i wasn't planning ahead, i didn't realise by choosing this one book i'd still be buying them when i was 22. The final book in the series was published last year and i have just got round to buying it.It's quite embarassing walking into a book shop at 22 and finding yourself hunting for books in the teen fiction section.
I had to come up with a cunning plan this time, i said 'my niece loves these books'. I have no niece, but im pretty sure the man at the till believed me. Usually i end up buying 2 adult books to sandwich the teen book and hope it will confuse the checkout operator.

Anyway, i look forward to moving on with my life as soon as this book has been finished.

Wrong Number

Even though neither person can see eachother in wrong number phone calls, it's still embarassing and awkward. You have to be overly polite and friendly 'No, i'm sorry but i think you may have the wrong number'. Really we mean 'Who the hell is that!?' or even just hang up.
I remember once having a wrong number call and after i'd done the 'No i'm sorry' line, they said 'Are you sure?'. Hmmmm... 'Yes, there's no John here'. And then they were so persistent i was asked to physically go check my own living room just to be sure John wasn't there. The worst bit is, i did!
It becomes quite hostile if they call a second time: now they're wasting my time and ignoring my previous, helpful information.'Same number, sorry', 'Oh is it? sorry about that.' Mmmm Well..yes, ofcorse it's the same bloody number DICK, you've just dialled exactly the same number and hoped somehow it would magically travel through the phone cabling to another destination.
My current home phone number recieves quite a few wrong number calls (just incase you didn't guess). They seem suprised when i say 'No, this isn't NatWest i'm afraid'. We must have one digit difference... not the worst place to have a similar phone number to however. Especially in these desperate times.

What?

So you've not heard something, the automatic reaction is what?
They repeat it to you but you still cant make out what they've said.
Again you say what? And again you can't make sense of it. By now you know this is it, this is my last chance. So you listen as hard as possibly possible, hoping that by listening and lip reading it will all become clear, but.... no.
Now you have choice, agree with a nod, small laugh/smile or make some sort of noise followed by a quick exit.

If we didn't follow the What x3 rule, we'd all be in what conversations forever!

On another related What issue, i once said WHAT and got told it was rude, so now i tend to say sorry or pardon.
But is it really rude? It's in the same family as Why, How and When? They're not considered rude. So my theory is that once upon a time an old man said something to someone and they said what? He repeated himself and they once again asked what? This went on for a few hours until he got really annoyed and said 'that's really rude!'. This person couldn't understand why he'd suddenly shouted at him, so blamed it on the word What. And from then on, if other people said what to him, he'd say 'that's rude!'.
Thus, the story of What being rude continues today.

The End.

Dentists

Why do dentists ask you questions when they have your mouth clamped open with a metal rod poking into your speaking hole?

Also, i know that they secretly love watching you when you opt to take a swig of the 'pink drink' and dribble all down yourself because your face is paralyzed. Bastards.

How much does it take to make you bend over?

A couple weeks ago i was walking the streets of Lincoln when i saw a £5 note fluttering at the side of the road. Unfortunately, before i saw this i had just planned to overtake a couple that i slightly knew. They were still pretty close behind me so i couldn't stop to pick it up. I don't know why? It was £5! I had a quick thought that i could stop to do a 'shoelace' up but then remembered i was wearing boots. I regret this moment so much, i'd be £5 richer right now if i didn't overtake. I always thought £1 would be my bend over point, saying that i've walked past a few £1's in my time due to circumstances.

Basically i need to come up with a plan for if this situation ever happens again. I could pretend to trip onto the money? Or suddenly collapse? Drop my bag because it suddenly weighs ALOT... £5... what was i thinking. I think the problem is that i was thinking.

Embarrassing running

Last week i spent a lot of my time on trains or waiting for them. It amuses me when people are running for trains or buses because it's pretty embarassing and usually they have plenty of time. It's one of those runs where you try to look as cool and effortless as possible, but at the same time your terrified about getting left behind. You get paranoid the people across the platform that have just witnessed you run will still be there ashamed of you and your run.

Basically me and charlotte(creative partner) had a giggle when we were waiting for our train. We were pretty relaxed and smug at our punctuality, tutting at those less fortunate when in fact the following day we found ourselves doing the exact same thing - running for a bus. And, it didn't stop there... we also had to run for several trains. I think i have almost perfected my public transport run.

Nobody is safe from the embarrasing run, NOBODY!