The 'usual'

Scenario:

Man/woman walks in to their local cafe.
'Ah Bob/Bobetta, the usual?'

End of scenario.

'The usual' is that a good thing or bad?

I'm undecided.
I've worked in a sandwich shop and in a pub - both of which places i'd think the following things simultaneously when a regular walked in...
'Hey, glad to see you again, here's your favourite'
and
'If i'm bored of you ordering the same, surely you must be...?'

On the one hand, you don't have to think, there's minimum risk - you already know you like it so why change a good thing.

On the other hand, you're predictable which is closely followed by boring.

The man look

The man look consists of 3 parts.

Part 1 - Politely ask where the object is you're searching for
Part 2 - Go to said area and glimpse into the space for a split second
Important: Spend no more than 0.78 seconds, this is just enough time to simultaneously escalate into a frustrated panic
Part 3 - Throw a man-sized tantrum until the woman repeats part 2 for you properly

Gym truths

When hearing the word gym you envisage this...




but see more of



You expect to be a natural...



but in reality



You picture a beautiful, clean, empty space...



but it's always more



And, the rewarding feeling you get...



looks more like this

Tube seats

If you're lucky enough to get a seat on the underground, the problems only just begin.
There's signs and posters encouraging 'seat holders' to offer their seats to pregnant women, the disabled and elderly people.



The first problem with this theory is deciding who is eligible for the 'disabled, elderly & pregnant' category.
What's the tipping point between being kind and rude?
How do you know what age is appropriate?
You might offend a old looking 50 year old...
Or even worse, mistake a fat woman for being pregnant.
Where are the guidelines?
If someone has one arm, does this make them more worthy of your seat?


I'd rather avoid these situations by standing.
If you do end up sitting the best technique is to keep your eyes down. Never look up, then you can't get it wrong. Even better, make sure you pick up the Evening Standard - then you're clearly to engrossed in your newspaper to notice the frail 80 year old collapsing directly in front of you.
Problem sorted!

Rape References

Rape seems to be losing it's seriousness.
The phrase is not only used on the social network site Facebook coined 'frape' but now 'twape' on twitter has been created.
Not only this, but the word rape is used in everyday situations such as when somebody is particularly close to you. You may say 'all right mate, you don't have to rape me'... I for one am guilty of overusing the word in a joking manner.

A recent news story in the US last month about a man breaking into a woman's bedroom and 'trying it on' shortly became the centre of a rape joke due to an eccentric brother of the victim named Antoine Dodson.







Two men saw this story and have made an entertaining music video starring Antoine, his exaggeration of the situation has become a world wide hit with over 36 million views and that's all within just one month.








As you can see, the seriousness of the initial story has become a bit of a joke due to the overuse of the word rape.
To be honest i feel like there should be a moral to this story to round of my post but, there isn't. All i'm saying is in the last few years rape has become a household phrase, despite the seriousness of the actual offence. I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing but obviously in no way is it a good thing either. Technology and especially social networks have desensitised us from the harsh realities of the REAL world.

Unfair lesbian assumptions.

Because I'm too busy enjoying my Hot Chocolate delight, I shall pass you over to my new copywriting buddy Britton (Brittony Collins)

So... as it's Friday Vicky and I decided to waltz on down to the coffee shop and get ourselves a hot chocolate. But I think the woman at the counter mistook Vicky for a lesbian and gave her a free LARGE hot chocolate with a caramel syrup shot. I personally think that this is appauling as my hot chocolate was half the size and I payed for it! And my double chocolate muffin (that I searched in three different coffee shops for) tasted like orange.



I am disappointed and quite frankly disturbed by this woman.
Vicky however, is now considering lesbianism.

Seasons - 'the change'

At certain points during the year we all have to make 'the change'. 'The change' happens when we think there has been a decrease or rise in temperature, meaning it's time to dress appropriately.

I like to refer to it as upgrading or downgrading. For example, if we've just endured the Winter, there comes a point when you must accept it's finished and the new season is approaching. You need to downgrade your coat.
The tricky thing is to pick the correct week. People fall under five categories during this period of time.

There are: The Risk Takers (these are the people that downgrade/upgrade far to early which usually results in them being caught out by the weather and being reffered to as 'a dick')
The Forcers (people that downgrade/upgrade a week or two after 'The Risk Takers', once they have waited for the weather to steady a bit more. They force themselves to make the change and never look back, can be quite intimidating towards 'The Sheep' and try to influence their change)
The Sheep (these people have watched 'The Forcers' make the change and wait just a few more days to be sure, this is the most popular category - i myself, fall into this one)
The Sceptics (very stubborn and pessimistic people, refuse to be one of 'The Sheep' so wait even longer before they make the change, usually resulting in some discomfort as the temperature rises/falls)
The Oblivious (the rarest category, these are the people that never seem to change and are always wearing the same seasons coat/raincoat/jacket/none, they are usually commented on by passers by - 'they must be freezing' or 'i bet they're boiling in that')



The official season has begun when The Sheep have made 'the change' as these are the majority of the population. The Forcers will try enforce the official season by saying things like 'It's Summer!' or 'Looks like Winters here', do no be fooled.

Pencil Cases

I've had the same pencil case throughout uni however, back in the day a lot more thought used to go into my pencil case choice. It had to be 'cool' otherwise i'd be boring by have a plain/transparent one. I also changed it at least twice a year due to over doodling and graffiti.

They ranged from fake fur to a pepsi can.
There were status symbols in school, the better the case the 'cooler' you were! My mum always refused to spend more than £3 on a pencil case when the best ones were up to £5 so somtimes i had to pay the difference or accept my middle-range case.